4.30.2004

I had a breakdown today. I don't even know where to begin, because there is no beginning. Nothing wrong, but not a whole lot is right either. I'm just kind of existing, and have been since about spring break. I've felt like this on and off all year, but it's been these last couple months when it's been the worst. I didn't want to go to school today and deal with people, my parents said I had to, I started bawling. I think it was just kind of the proverbial straw, and I'm the proverbial camel. It's like I'm depressed with nothing to be depressed about. It's scary and I don't know how to make it better. I've been having trouble sleeping and then I don't feel up to my own ridiculously high standards, and that makes me sad, and then I go home and can't sleep and it all starts over again. Also, I've been having really creepy five-second mood swings. I'll be laughing and joking with my friends, and then suddenly, I won't. Or I'll just laugh for no reason and can't stop, even when I'd been apathetic and lethargic for all the rest of the day. I'm scared, and I don't know what to do. Is this normal, or should I consider getting professional help?

On a lighter note, thanks much to: Morgan, Katie, Jager, Justin, and once again, Nick. Check out their blogs, they all deserve it!

I'm not listening to anything at the moment, but I have Where's the Girl from the Scarlet Pimpernel soundtrack stuck in my head. That soundtrack, musical, movie, play, and most especially book completly ROCK! ~me~ at 1:50 PM
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