*
*
*
*
*
*
*
|
idle dreams
|
|
This blog is best viewed in Explorer, in a full screen
cool places hugs! Give me another hug? Get hugs of your own e-mail me |
| Blogger's changed! To my fellow bloggers: What do you think? On the preliminary, I'm in favor, but I'll have to explore a bit. Just from what I've seen in the maybe five minutes since I've logged it, it's looking great! Easy to navigate, nice new design, spiffy new features. I'm wondering though -- should I get rid of my existing comment board in favor of the blogger one? The blogger one sends me emails every time someone comments, but it doesn't offer a fill-in-the-blanks form for URLs and email. I'm quite in favor of the new Blogger template offerings. The old ones were, quite frankly, sucky. Anyway, on to more interesting things.
I got a chain letter today. I know that's nothing new, but there was something interesting in the last bit: Did you think of your crush? I hope so, that was your last chance. Now pay very close attention this important message! Sorry but once read, must be sent. Yes, this is one of those kinda chain letters that everyone hates. This one has been going since 1863 and if you break this chain, you will pay!!!!!! Remember that after hearing these stories. Hmm, since 1863? Really? I didn't even know there were computers back then, let alone chain letters. Maybe because there weren't? For the love, if you're going to make a chain letter, please don't be stupid about it! I was at the doctor the other day, because I've been having really sore eyes lately and since the boy who sits in front of me in geometry had pink eye, I thought I should get checked out. Luckily, it was just allergies, but anyway. As the doctor was writing my diagnosis down, he asks me, "Are you a good writer?" I'm fairly surprised, and I say, "I'm a decent writer. Why do you ask?" The doctor says "You seem to be good at expressing yourself and you've got a large vocabulary." I hadn't thought that I'd said anything particularly incredible, I just talked like I usually do. I might have been more descriptive than I am in casual conversation, but only because I was, well, trying to describe how I felt to him. It was a very interesting appointment. I think I've finally discovered what my problem is. I'm not used to losing. I don't lose. Maybe you know someone like me: I've been elected to every office I've ever ran for, had a 4.0+ since the schools started giving GPAs, got a spot in everything I've ever tried for, from plays to band to quiz bowl to special honors programs, scored high on every fancy academic test I've ever taken, gotten my work published everywhere I've submitted it, etc. Well, recently I've started, not losing, but not winning. I didn't get a part in the play, my DI team didn't quaify for international competition this year, I wasn't elected a leader in the Fellowship of Christian Students, a journal rejected my work, and so on. I guess that the bad feelings of stress and general crappiness came as a result of me being obsessed with winning, with being the best. I'm not used to not being the best. I'm not used to there being people better at anything than me. I know that's a horribly unhealthy attitude and I'm just setting myself up for disappointment, but that's the way I am. Hopefully, now that I've identified this character defect, I can work on being less sensitive. I've been like this my entire life, looking back on it so far, but I've just recently noticed. Wow, I must have been stupider than I thought back then to have not noticed! And I've had a lot of clues. My friends and family members drop me not-so-subtle hints: Penni, it's all right if you get a B every now and then. Penni, your paper is fine! You can go to bed now. Penni, we'll still love you if you don't get a part. Penni, you don't have to be perfect. But the problem was, especially with that last part, is that although I was very good and everyone around me, including myself, knew that, I wasn't perfect. And I wanted to be. Desperately. Even my teachers noticed. One of them during conferences told my dad, "I'm worried that Penni is overly obsessed with getting a good grade, and not just a good grade, but a great grade." I felt the whole world would notice and laugh if I came home with a B+ on my report card, or a 3.99. And this desire for perfection led me to pass by certain opportunities. I didn't want to try new things, because I didn't know if I'd be good at them. I might have enjoyed them, but someone might have *gasp* seen Penni struggling with something. I think I read somewhere, in a fic maybe, Lucius telling Draco, "If you're going to fail at something, make sure you do it in private." and that was very much my view as well. If you can't do something well, either don't do it at all or don't do it in public, even if public might be a class full of people who are just learning insert skill as well. But now that I've noticed, perhaps I can work at improving that aspect of myself. That was quite the cathartic post! Random things...I found an interesting site today, Similar Minds Very cool, check it out! This is what I got:
Creepy, because I actually like a high percentage of those things! All the ones I bolded! I'm listening to: Tonic, You Wanted More, Via lauchcast.com ~me~ at 5:45 PM Comment if you...
|